Local Man Matthew Collins Ignites Global Pizza Slice Crisis

BOULDER, CO—In a seemingly innocuous discussion about pizza on March 4, 2026, local resident Matthew Collins dropped a bombshell that has since spiraled into a cultural maelstrom, asserting with unwavering confidence that the second slice of any pizza is objectively the best.

The Incident

What began as a casual remark during a lunchtime gathering quickly escalated into a heated debate, with witnesses reporting raised voices, wild gesticulations, and at least one individual sketching pizza slice diagrams on a napkin to disprove the theory. By mid-afternoon, the argument had spread beyond the initial group, infecting nearby coworkers and even delivery drivers who happened to overhear the claim, turning a simple meal into a philosophical battleground.

Ripple Effects

Within hours, social media platforms were ablaze with hashtags and memes debating the merits of the second slice versus the first, third, or even the crust-heavy last piece. Reports indicate that several online polls have crashed under the weight of passionate voters, while underground forums have begun circulating conspiracy theories that the second slice holds mystical properties, possibly tied to ancient pizza rituals.

Expert Analysis

Self-proclaimed food historians and amateur geometrists have since weighed in, with some arguing that the second slice benefits from an optimal cheese-to-crust ratio, while others insist it’s merely a psychological trick played by hunger. Meanwhile, local pizzerias are reportedly seeing a spike in orders specifically requesting pizzas be pre-sliced with the second piece marked for priority consumption, leading to chaotic kitchen reorganizations.

Unforeseen Consequences

As the debate rages on, unexpected side effects have emerged, including a sharp rise in pizza-related emergency room visits from people attempting to 'test' the second slice theory with dangerously hot pies straight from the oven. Perhaps most bizarrely, a small but dedicated faction has begun advocating for a national holiday dedicated to the second slice, complete with proposals for a ceremonial pizza-cutting event to be broadcast live from Matthew Collins’ own backyard, where rumor has it a 12-foot pizza statue is already under construction.